We have nothing to talk about..

This has never been happening to me before..

But now it does..

I told him this morning, we are talking lesser and lesser. 

We like got nothing more to talk.. 

And..

He told me, we have nothing to talk about now..

Indeed, i dont know what to say now..

Actually i saw what u post previously, i'm touched..

Maybe i not feeling well so i didnt care for how u feel..

Actually we cant even meet..

Did you even think how much i suffered?

Did you even think how irritated i'm when my mother dont let me out?

Seriously, what can we really talk about?

I always had to find some stupid stuffs to talk and make us talk..

I feel so strange between us..

Like how i talk to my guy friends last time..

I dont know how to describe my feelings now totally..

I should be touched when i read ur post, i drop my tears when i read.

After that you when to lan gaming, ya, its your freedom..

But if really like that, even u lied tell me something to make me happy, instead of telling me you have got nothing to tell me..

How you want me to react..

Say OKAY NVM? Or just ignore..

What you want me to do?

A relationship is to give in, and allow the other half to be happy..

I dont want you to always say sorry to me..

I dont want you to ask me forgive you..

It seems like i'm the unreasonable person here now..

If this continues on, our feelings will fade off..

And eventually everything will just end..

When i stop you from doing something, is like i'm tying my bf..

When i dont stop you from doing something, it seems like i dont care..

Then what should i do..

Its not easy to control something..

When i see you needed something, you didnt tell me..

You choose to keep it to yourself..

I'm your gf..

Just tell me..

Like how my leg pain and body ache..

I tell you..

Cos even though i know that u will worried, but i still tell you..

Because if i dont let you know, wait till you find out you will get even more worried..

What should i say..

Today is a happy day?

I cant make myself smile at all..

I know you miss me..

I miss you too..

We cant meet that often..

Maybe once a week, maybe even once per two weeks..

I want to do something which can leave you a good memory..

When i'm not there, at least there's something that could be reminded of me..

So when you miss me, you can take and see and that will replaced me for the time being..

I dont know what to reply you..

I think blogging is the only way for us to talk to each other..

I'm sorry, i'm not capable of finding excuses to go out with you..

I felt tired and i give up eventually when my mother dont let me out.

Hope you understand, because i'm under alot of stress..

My prelims, my O lvl art and my prelim art..

I havent start anything yet..

I'm struggling to climb out of the darkness.

I'm trying to bear the pain..

I'm trying to overcome the stress..

I'm trying to overcome the hurdles in front of me now..

People say: " O level is a passport to my future." 

So how..

What should i do..

I cant cope at all..

I just want to stay peace and happy..

I want to be that small and innocent girl..

Who dont know anything, and no worries and i can stay really really cute and happy.

I dont have to act my cute..

I'm a cute and cheerful when i'm in the past..

I got nice figure..

I got everything that is totally almost comes to perfect..

But i dont have any now..

Just having the cool side of me now..

Nothing to surprise if i do something stupid and childish and cute or happy.

That should be my natural self..

But nobody seems to understand why i have change so much within 2years..

I dont like the change either..

I dont like my this self..

But what choice do i have..

I cant control anything at all..

I receive a message from him..

" Wrong is that i fail to be a bf to meet your expectations. Nvm im gonna try harder! I will always care about you. You know how people can sleep so soundly? They have no stress or frustration. I havent been sleeping  soundly for months. Everyday, i live my life in fear for nearly a year. The fear of my family breaking up. I would always think about it till i sleep. It was when this was over, an angel came into my life. I was happy, i even made up my mind to give her happiness and to be the best bf she ever had meaning to reach  all her expectations no matter how hard. But each time, i fail to do so, what a lousy bf im. I shouldnt deserve all the kindness from her. It is right that i should be the one getting hurt, not you. I aint the best now but im gonna be the best! I want make the world jealous of you. Shhh no need reply now. Close your eyes and sleep. I feel better getting all these out my chest." 

I say once again, i have no expectations. You have been trying so hard even when u are busy, u still help me to online in tagged and keep blogging everyday..

Blog created and started by me..

But u are always the one blogging..  

You are always caring about me..

I have sleepless nights since 5years ago..

Maybe urs was worst.. But i not that good either..

Because of this illness, even at midnight 3-4am, no matter how tired im, whenever i hungry, my body wakes me up and ask me to eat.

My body forced me to eat and im getting fatter..

You are already the best.. 

Dont ever say u are lousy..

You deserve every rights that i given you..

You shouldnt be hurt cos i will never understand how you feel..

I'm sure u will be the best, and allows me to be the most blessed girl in this world and allows others to get jealous.. 

I was blogging so i didnt reply ur message..

I know i have a important place in your heart, cos u care for me asking me to sleep..

So i decided to reply here..

I think i feel better writing here..

Okay, i should end my post here..

I'm tired..

My body and leg is aching and is in pain now..

Nights dreams.. 

Loves, jolene piglet laopo <3 Xavier ahboy laogong.