Right at this moment, im thinking what i'm suppose to write.
Now before i start my writing for the day, i just thinking that..
I've been honest and true to everything i say.
I got anything i will say out, even who message me i also say.
But some people just dont want to say.
Behind me do things wait till i ask then force to admit?
Maybe i'm just a bitch who ties people and didnt realise?
What have i done wrong?

Your not a bitch that ties me down. You done no wrong. It was me, I couldn't resist to temptation even though many times I keep telling you that I will cut down. I let myself down, I shouldn't even smoke in the first place. Right after I know you don't really like me smoking, I told myself to cut down a lot and I did. But there are times, I gave in to temptation and let the both of us down....

His sis didnt want me to go there today.
She wanted him to help her out as promised.
I didnt know anything till we met up.
If i know i wouldnt have meet him.
Cos i myself hate people to break promise, when someone promise to do something.

My sis gonna kill me if she saw this cos she never didn't want you to go there but instead she didn't want me to meet you but it was me, I, who wanted to meet you and defy her to do so.

Went to his house. Too hungry, mayb got gastric.
I feel all pain on my body.
Really hurts.
But doesnt matter.
Slack till 6.30 and went off to plaza for ashton for dinner.

It does matter that you feel pain on your body and u should treat it as soon as possible...I saw many ppl dragging only to regret in the end. Im scare of the same thing...

"I may say some remarks but it was all passing remarks and I didn't mean it at all."
To me everything means something.
Cos i want to do everything someone ask me to do.
I know i'm not perfect, i dont have nice figure, i dont have wonderful looks, i dont have inner beauty.
I'm bad tempered, i have attitude problem.
I'm not sweet, i'm not gentle. I'm not up to your expectations either. 

If everything means something, perhaps I shouldn't joke too much anymorre...
Who is perfect? Nobody is... your not up to my expectation but tat doesn't matter does it? Cos im happy with u and that is all I know and ask for from this r/s.

I didnt know growing fat is such mental torturing for her.
I say i dont mind being fat. People started laughing and say i fat, i just let it be..
I treat it as they all joking.
But do i really mean it?
Whatever i eat doesnt seems to make me grow fatter until i suffered from diabetics for 6years.
It wasnt fun..
My mentally has more or less been affected although i keep saying i dont mind being fat and having this illness..

 I have a feeling of that but was unsure becos u brought it up a feel times. Im sure everyone will get affected. This is fate, accept it and don't let such thing beat u down alright???

"Maybe i shouldn't have expectation at all since she can stead with me without any expectation. "Now, finally i know that..
Actually being with you, theres still expectations..
For 28days, now then i know that between us there's this "EXPECTATION" going on..
Seriously, i never expect much..
People say i bitch say i slut, but actually i'm like a dog..
People need to have expectations to get me.
How stupid and innocent i can get now..
There is always expectation around us. It is because I failed to meet that expectation of urs that u feel hurt. U aim for a fail and u score a pass, u feel glad. U aim for an A but u got a pass, u feel sad. U aim me to be a Pass but im a failure. I aim u to be a Pass and you are an A.

"I know im fucking ugly but time and time again, i always tell ppl tat im cute blah blah to make myself feel better." You really think i go for looks.?
If this is what kind of love that i'm looking for, i'm sure i wont stead with you.
Telling myself that i fat nvm, cos someone will be there loving me even though i fat, u think i feels good?
Of cos u dun go for looks and i know it, if u do, u are right, u won't stead with me. Why do u always keep saying that u are fat???

"Im happy enough that someone like her is willing to stead with someone ugly like me and didn't complain about my looks."
What the fk u are talking about.
Do you know what the hell u are talking about?
So u saying i stead i go for looks?
So u saying u are ugly and i despo need stead so i just grab and stead with you?
Do u know u are not only insulting yourself but me?
I didn't say that you stead go for looks. I didn't say u are despo and grabbed me. All I meant is that you didn't expect much from me. Im sorry about tat...

"I didn't know she is suffering so much from me just asking her to take proper meals."
Its not suffering, just that u dont understand.
Forget it. I dont know how to explain further.
Don't have to...

"I may say i go for looks, figure all the time but seriously, I don't. It was all just words, I didn't meant them. I don't understand her enough."
Every word someone says do mean something.
Every word comes from the heart, therefore words do mean something.
First time, mayb is merely joking..
Second time, a little serious and wondering about it.
Third time, many many times, things become true and serious because only what comes out from your heart is your mouth..
Maybe you are right, but i definitely know that all those words i said about u fat, i didn't mean it at all! How come u still doubting me??? :( I might said it cos I couldn't take it anymore that u keep complaining that u have fats and simply agreeing cos no matter how much i disagree u willl still insist...Girls right...i know...

"I shouldn't expect anything from her anymore. It was wrong of me to do so. I feel so guiilty making her spent so much money. Tmr we are not meeting"
Means u are expecting something from me.
Why not just tell me about it..
If is like that, why did u jio me and stead with me..
Why?
I spend is my problem, u dont have to blame yourself.
Cos i have to saving conception.
Everyone have expectation
I don't expect much...wat i want from u is for u listen to ur parents, be a good girl, study well n have no regret, be always happy and cheerful, forget about ur lousy past....
Cos i want to help u....I want to make u feel happy, I want to be the best boyfriend, I want to care for you and I sincerely love you.....I hope u can feel my sincerity in this words....every words I meant it.........

After that, arguments occurred..
After looking at one sms, i dont know what to reply.
After i went to bathe, one message came..
Telling me, done blog.
After i bathe finish, i went to see the blog...
I really think, what have i done..
I really dont understand whats going on...
I dont understand that actually there's so many imperfection between us.
I was wondering if we start isit even correct...
Will we last long..?
U done no wrong, u just had some high expectation from me...u didn't expect me to say all this, but I did.
We will....

Havent even one month already so many things have come out..

Are we really suit for each other?

Am i not caring and gentle enough.

Am i fking fat?

I do not know..

I'm in pain.. 

you are caring and gentle enough, more than enough. How many times must I say? :( u are not fat!!!

Gonna go check up tomorrow.

I'm tired. I'm hurting. I'm dropping every tears since the starting of this blog has been started typing.
I dont know what i should do.
I saw people flirting you, and i still have to act as if i dont care and nothing happen.
Body pain, leg hurts.

But what hurts me most is your "expectations" and my heart.

Nvm i know what i should do already...

Sorry....i didnt know that i had hurt u so badly with my comments....you don't need to do anything...Who???? i didn't even see....wat are u going to do? :(

So what tagged every hour also had friend request..
Do u think i even care?
Outside got shuai ge, do u think i even bother or feel anything?
So what i see?
Standing at my direction, everywhere also have..
Nvm i dont know what im talking now..

I'm tired..
It's time for me to rest after all those medication..
I'm stressed enough for studies..

Rest well....

We both love each other, Im sure of it. I dropped my tears again for the second time for her. So did she....It doesn't matter if we have many imperfection cos what matters the most lastly is that we love and care for each other. Just like no matter how much ur lil. bro always pissed u off, u still forgive him. Because that is love. We have love that is stronger than that....