Tried and Cried

Today perhaps it was my first time after so many years tearing up in public.

I shall not hold back anymore, Im gonna say it all out. I have been holding it on for so long. I wanna know the answers

I woke up, watched doraemon and had my breakfast before I start on my alias. I was headstrong to finish the whole thing by today as tmr I need to do my report.

Did the whole thing and ended around 2pm and that is when my friend in a sudden need of my help came with his dad over to my house around 4pm and I tried to help him

Our neighbour came over and it was really noisy, I gotten really pek cek from the atmosphere.

Around 5, I left my house for my work and was really tired and really really reluctant to go work at all...

Piglet text me not to text her would be better if that was how I reply.

I was confused, puzzled, im not really sure why that reply? But before that was a msg telling her how I was feeling at that moment? I texted her that I was feeling tired and sleepy ended with few zzzzZZZ.

That really hurt me, I don't know why, I don't know what is wrong.

I didn't know what to reply anymore, so I didn't reply as I didn't want to quarrel and affect my mood later on during work.

Of cos it still affected me. I nearly cried thinking back about the msg. That is how I usually reply, and if my that reply really spoil your mood. I really dunno...

For a moment work has gotten me and I forgotten about the msg and as soon as I stop or go for a mini break, I felt sad again.

I ended work, I asked one of my colleage to help me change my schedule as I didn't want to work on sat, tues and mon.

While in walking to bus stop and in bus, a lot went through my head. I cried again, I didn't know what I done. It was just a msg telling her how I was feeling. Then she angry me. I dunno why? I came to a conclusion that maybe she didn't want to text me ler?

I wipe that off after awhile though and thought that maybe she was just in bad mood. Telling myself that she is in bad mood makes me feel better.

Of cos I didn't know the real reason. Until now. I dunno telling her my feeling at the moment about my work spoil her mood.

Lately there has been a lot of late replies from her, that added to a possibility that maybe she dun like me anymore???

"Then don't care me lah? Ask u don't reply is u want reply then what u want I say, die in front u isit... Want reply till like that don't reply me don't talk to me best. I NOTHING TO SAY ALREADY. What u want say lah. Only u can bad mood ppl cannot? U don't have to tolerate me also, I nvr ask u to tolerate me. U not happy just say lah. Always say I what what what everything write in blog say until like I wrong. Not happy with me anything just say. No need say say until like u suffering inside like I bully you. I no need you to do that. U don't even know what I angry about then forget it.."

This was the recent text. She is really angry I can tell...I have got nothing to say....I dunno if this relationship will even last, i dunno how long she can put up with my continously hurting her...

Xavierahboy <3 Jolenepiglet signing off~